Darling, If Only You Knew
by seriouslysasarious
Summary: Ken admired upperclassman Hideyoshi Nagachika. Leaving notes on his locker every day was the only way to show it. For him, that is. Aside from the torment he received from his classmates, Kaneki still clung onto the single shred of hope he had left; And they didn't even know his name. Kaneki has always loved books, but would he get the story he wished for?


Another day of school, another anticipation that would surely be left unfulfilled. If a sentence could better describe Kaneki's school life as of last week, he'd like to find it.

Once again, the raven haired male crept his way into the hall. With the freshly written note in hand, the teen counted lockers until he came upon one; Nagachika Hideyoshi. Kaneki took a deep breath, looking to both sides of him before he hurriedly pushed the sticky note onto said locker; something that definitely echoed a louder sound than he would have liked, but was masked by the sound of an all too familiar bell ringing. Eyes widening, Kaneki turned and ran back down the hallway, scrambling to engulf his things in his arms beforehand. Around the corner he went, barely allowing enough room for himself to peek out as the student filed into the hall. Brown iris's scanned the heads of brown, black, red, and every other color imaginable; that is until his eyes fell upon the fusion of brown and blonde he'd been searching for, Nagachika Hideyoshi. Tightening his grip on his bags, he watched as the teenager peeled the yellow card off of his locker, examining it with an expectant look.

Soon after he began receiving them, Hideyoshi had stopped being _surprised_ to get these notes. At first, he thought that maybe they were some kind of joke; some kind of senior that was playing a silly prank on the sophomores. But as they appeared again the next day, and the day after that, he safely assumed it was just some girl crushing on him. After all, there was never a name or a specific person that addressed themselves on these notes; nor did they ever attempt to meet Hideyoshi somewhere. It was always the same message, with a different play on words.

 _'I really, really like you.' —_ The first message, it was blunt. Very blunt. Seeing that was what took Hideyoshi aback; nobody could actually be that raw about telling someone they had feelings for them, could they?

With a small sigh, the blond folded the paper down to an acute size, and tossed it into the side pocket of his bag. His books were slipped into the newly opened locker, and afterwards his bag grabbed up and slung over his back. He looked around, searching the hall for… for what? Surely the culprit wouldn't be anywhere near. It was stupid to try, anyways. After a while, Hideyoshi was sure that they'd get the hint and give up.

Kaneki let out the breath he'd been holding in, and finally turned away after he watched the golden blond walk into his first class. The same thing today, the same thing yesterday. He was excited the first time; thinking that Hideyoshi would try and look for the person who did it, as if he'd come straight up to Kaneki and confess his feelings back to him. Kaneki sighed. That kind of thing only happened in movies and manga, so it would surely never happen to him. He was just crushing on some kid that was hopelessly out of his league, someone that would without a doubt never look twice at someone like _him_. It was sort of ironic, in a way; It was like all of those clichés he'd see and make fun of in his books.

But this wasn't a book, Kaneki wasn't the main character, and Hideyoshi wasn't the cold, unaware love interest.

The day went quickly, classes came and passed, minutes dragged endlessly until lunch as they usually do, and before anyone knew it the students were being dismissed. Kaneki gathered his books from his locker, stuffed them in his book bag, as per the usual routine, and was heading out the doors of the school when he was stopped at the steps. He was hoping this wouldn't happen today, dammit.

"Boooooooooookworm~" The all too familiar, vulgar voice called out to Kaneki.

Kaneki flinched, his hands slowly curling into fists as his sights set on the ground in front of him. ' _Don't pay attention to them, and they won't bother you._ ' It didn't take an Einstein to figure out that with people like this, that solution didn't work. Kaneki had long since developed his own method of dealing with the 'everyday bullies'.

With the calling of the well-known nickname, the platinum blond teen's friends gathered around him. Hmph, it was like crows fighting over fresh meat; they couldn't get enough of the sight of Kaneki frozen in his spot on the steps.

Kaneki turned on his heels, staring at the group. His expression was missing, replaced by a bored look that portrayed a false disinterest; Kaneki, however, couldn't be more terrified. The leader of the pack stepped forward, inching Kaneki back until the raven head of hair's origin was pressed against the wall. It was very nonchalant, very awkward, anti-climatic; whatever you'd prefer to call it— is what it was. There was no shouting from the back of the group, not one single member that felt this wasn't right. The sounds that emitted from the remaining posse were those of giggles and snickers; whispered, underhanded insults that wouldn't disturb the source of this everyday torture.

The expression on Kaneki's face changed from his armor of relaxation to his truthful fear filled look of self-loathing as the other's words reached him. Attacked him. The familiar lump formed in his throat with the male's self-righteous speech, the words spitting insults into his face and prying for a reaction. Everyone knows the stinging sensation that you get when you know you're going to break down into a fit of tears, but you simply don't. That was the feeling. He knew he couldn't. He'd made the mistake a number of times now and none of the tears, not a single one of the emotions that came flowing out of him had saved him. The water droplets that were injected with desperate cries of help were heard by nobody other than himself, and the value of them had diminished over time. There was no point in crying, because words were already breaking his insides apart. And for what? For a little entertainment.

Kaneki should be proud. He finally made some use of himself, didn't he? If he couldn't make himself smile at least he could make other's do it. At least they were having fun. Even if they were hurting him, he wasn't… He wasn't hurting them and that was the good thing. That was the last good thing Kaneki could find in himself.

The very final thing Kaneki thought he'd see here was that familiar mixture of hair. Nagachika Hideyoshi. He was the absolute last person Kaneki ever imagined he'd find staring at him as this was happening. This was the part you'd see in books. The part that everybody loved. The part where the love interest would swoop in and save the main character from the bullies; like some kind of super hero for the underdogs. Just like that. Kaneki was the underdog, and Nagachika was the superhero, right?

Hide didn't think to look twice at the commotion. Not until he'd heard his classmates voice saying such horrible things to some kid. That kid looked so petrified, it almost boiled the blond's blood. He was never one to get into fights in school though. He wouldn't step in. What was the point? It would just get pulled onto him in the end. And he didn't even know this person, so why would he risk that?

The other scanned the scene for a few moments before becoming aware of himself. He straightened up his bag on his back and breathed in a heavy whiff of air before turning his head and continuing down his path. The kid looked like he'd been going through this for a while. He'd be okay. Yeah, he'd be fine on his own!

 _Stop lying to yourself._

And just like that, any hope that had risen in Kaneki's heart shattered like a fallen mirror. He forgot, even if it was for only a minor moment, he forgot. Forgot that this wasn't a book. Kaneki wasn't in one of his favorite books or manga; he wasn't the main character in a love story. He wasn't going to be saved like some shitty overused character in a drama cliché.

For a split second, Kaneki thought he was going to be okay, and for a split second, Hideyoshi thought he was actually able to save that kid.


End file.
